He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
