how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
