My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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