I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
