it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
