i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
