Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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