Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize