You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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