He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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