I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
