I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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