pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All the doctor said was why
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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