i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
