pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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