Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
