If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
