i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
