I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
