Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
