SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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