I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
