Your tits are I can't wait for
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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