I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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