Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize