Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
