can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
