She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
