I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
