can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
