My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
