She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
