i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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