she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
