i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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