My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
