your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize