I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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