I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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