it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
