You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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