My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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