Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could make wine with my vomit
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
