Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
