I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
