Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
