OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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