no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
