my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
