Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
