whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
