the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
