YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
