mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish you could order shots online.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
