I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
