Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize