I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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