i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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