This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
