I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
