how can u be prego again
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
