Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
