I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
