I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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