omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want a musical about memes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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