i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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