why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
smell my finger.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
