I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
