We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
