I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
