Screwed.edu
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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