you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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