i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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