guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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