Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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