I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
