I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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