Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
