Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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