i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
