What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
