she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
