U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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