i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
