Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
