Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize