just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
