Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
