I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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