It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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