the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had sex on a roof
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize