My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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