But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
