your parents love me but you hate me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
