thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
