have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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