the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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