I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
