guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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