I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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