yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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